Tuesday, 7 August 2012

So It Returns : Cancer

Honestly I go to write this and don't know where to begin. This has come as such a surprise and overwhelming. Overwhelming in the way that your thoughts don't properly form but just go in circles. My mom let me know on Thursday night that her cancer has returned.

My Mom and I
Back in 2001 my mom was diagnosed with a tumor in her neck that they had to operate on. When they went in it caused the dandelion effect (like blowing on a dandelion) and it spread, which was later found in her lungs. She fought for 9 hard years - chemo, radiation and all the drugs you could imagine. It was just my mom and I together through all her treatments. My mom is a single parent who has raised me on her own since I was 7 years old. Our family (my grandparents and aunt & uncle) were always around when we needed help. My mom and I became a team and she became my best friend. It's funny when we look back on those years we can't put events into a timeline. It was almost as if she went into survival mode and I was right there for it too. We always tried to make the best of it and I loved when there was times when the only thing she could stomach was popsicles and popcorn for dinner - fine with me. My mom had already been through a lot before first being diagnosed. She had been in an abusive marriage and was in a severe head on car accident with a dump truck which almost took her life. She's fought so many battles and never gives up. On my hip I have a tattoo that reads "Never Give Up" in Spanish for my mom as she is an incredibly strong, independent, and loving woman. This tattoo reminds me that anything is possible and any mountain can be conquered.

Her cancer has come back in her neck and her lungs. She has already started treatment and the lump in her neck has decreased in size (woohoo!). It's interesting to be older this time and have more knowledge of how all this cancer stuff works. This time she is not just taking doctors orders but also taking things into her own hands too. We've been eating healthy (lean, mean and green) for the past few years but she's going to kick it up a notch to help her body fight the cells naturally too. Weird thing is that in the last few months I have been sending her my Kris Carr email newsletters. Kris Carr attacks the cancer in a whole different way than the traditional method, think lots of green juice smoothies and yoga. Weird coincidence. She's also decided that instead of everyone giving negative emotions (feeling sad for her etc.) she wants everyone to be positive. This way the cancer has no way to live in her body if all she has in her is positive energy.

I've given myself till this Friday to get all my negative emotions out about this. After that it's time to turn all my good buzzing energy on and send it her way. I've found it hard to just let go and have a big cry. I break down during times in the day when I am alone. I know I have to get all these negative emotions out or they will just fester inside me and take up room that could be used for positive thoughts and actions.

I'm scared : my mom is my rock and has always been there for me. I know though that she will easily beat this thing.
I'm mad: why the hell are we still dealing with this disease. Something must be done to stop so many people from having to go through this. I'm mad that this is happening to HER again. If there was ever an example of a woman who doesn't deserve this (not saying anyone deserves this) but it would be her. Enough is enough!! buut she doesn't ever feel sorry for herself so.. I'll kick these thoughts to the curb.
I'm upset: I hate seeing her in pain, I just want to take it all away from her. I wish I could do this for her. She never complains and only worries that she is upsetting someone or putting them out. We all just want to hug her and make it go away but we can't and she won't let us - she's stubborn.. that's who I got my stubbornness from. So we wait until she reaches out and we are there in an instant because we love her so much and she gives so much love to others.

I'm CONFIDENT: that she is going to kick this thing in the butt again! There is no ifs, ands, or buts. It's already on it's way out and I'm positive that she will be right back to normal. This is only a bump in the road. Maybe to remind us that our bodies are so precious and what we feed them through food and emotions has an incredible effect. So why give any chance for your body to create active cancer cells. Take every prevention you can. Live each day to the fullest. Don't take anything for granted. And most of all - Don't take anyone for granted. Life is too short. Love the ones close to you and forgive easily. No need for negative in your life.

So please if you could, send all your happy - positive thoughts her way. Imagine her beating this and going on an incredible vacation to a nice warm sunny location where she can relax on the beach. She definitely deserves it.


img via


  1. sending the two of you love and strength from the other side of the world. xx

  2. Thanks Jaclyn. I really appreciate it!

  3. You and your Mom are in my thoughts today. Wishing her a very speedy recovery. God bless, keep your strength xx

  4. Thanks Angie! All these well wishes and positivity is greatly appreciated from my mom and I. She reads my blog, of course! ;) and loves the messages.

  5. you know what, whether in blog-land or the real world we just never really know what's going on behind closed doors. and that's okay, but when someone as sweet, kind and candid as you opens hers up to let people in like this, well gosh i'm touched by your share and am so sorry about your Mom's re-diagnosis. you both are a brave souls to bare all these atrocities and life circumstances! you're doing the very best you can, as hard as it is.

    everything's a process, i wish you both peaceful times and blue skies to gaze up at while working through all this. i don't know if this is a strange thing to add but i've been keeping a folder of my own mom's voice messages. the thing i miss most about my Dad is not being able to hear his voice anymore. it's what i always tell my friends to do. hope i'm not overstepping Michelle. xo

  6. You are by no means overstepping. In fact, I truly appreciate you sharing with me. It's nice for me to be able to connect with someone who has been there before. Reading your comments last night meant so much to me.
    *Big gulp* and some tears : When I first heard the news I thought about all the little things I take for granted and I couldn't image not hearing her voice, her smile or her deep love for everyone.
    Thanks again


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